Footnote added to the Hollywood Sign, reminding Starlets to “Expect to be Molested”

Dateline: HOLLYWOOD, 2019—Movie producer Danny Fishman lamented that sometime during the 1960s, a footnote to the Hollywood Sign was removed, since that footnote used to warn prospective starlets that they should expect to be sexually molested as payment for receiving what Mr. Fishman called “their easy job of acting.”

“Young women used to know how the system worked,” said Mr. Fishman. “Hollywood is run by rich old Jews with small penises. But this town is also filled with beautiful young women who are desperate to become professional actors. Obviously, then, those old men are going to sexually exploit those young women. That’s just a law of nature.”

But according to Mr. Fishman, young actors used to understand that no woman deserves to be rich and famous just because she’s physically attractive.

“In the 1940s,” said Mr. Fishman, “you’d have your share of smoking hot starlets. But they knew you don’t get something for nothing. Beauties are born with their sexual appeal; it’s in their genes. So they wouldn’t demand to be hired to work on a big movie set just because of their facial symmetry, flawless skin, and hourglass figure.

“And talent? Don’t make me laugh! Anyone can act. It’s not a hard job at all, especially considering the huge payoffs of fame and fortune. That’s why there’s a constant flood of young people into Hollywood, because anyone can do what famous actors do. The actor’s mystique is bullshit. You memorize some lines, you get dressed up to look the part, you read your lines on camera, and if you don’t say them quite right the first time, you get to try again and you get to keep trying until the director’s happy, and then you go home to your mansion in Malibu. Case closed. Easy peasy.”

The problem for actors, according to Danny Fishman, is that because their job is easy to do and the potential rewards are astronomical, there are far more people seeking acting roles than there are legitimate roles to offer. There are even far more beautiful models in Hollywood than there are parts to appeal to the average viewer “who can’t stand the sight of old people” and who “expects to see only eye candy on the big screen,” said Mr. Fishman.

For those reasons, the executives who run the Hollywood movie studios expect to be paid something in return for gifting young actresses with roles and for setting them up for life. “The wannabe starlets start off with nothing except their looks. That’s all they have to offer. The production company invests in the young actor by marketing the movie and helping to create her mystique, but the starlet certainly doesn’t pay back the company with her great acting performance, because again, anyone can act.

“All she has to stand out from the crowd is her willingness to let herself be fondled by an old Jew who has a small penis.”

In the old system, young actors knew they’d have to perform those sexual favours, to justify their being hired to do a job that anyone could do, a job that nevertheless realizes their wildest dreams of fame and fortune.

“Some fool, however, removed that footnote from the Hollywood Sign,” said Mr. Fishman, “and that’s why it’s such a shock now that every single actress has been sexually molested by a movie producer or director or celebrity actor. It’s such a shock only because most people have forgotten how the system works.”

In early 2018, Mr. Fishman launched a campaign to return the addendum to the Hollywood Sign. “The footnote used to be right near the bottom of the big ‘D’ in The Hollywood Sign. You’d have to squint a little, but you could still make it out. Young actors were being warned that they shouldn’t expect the laws of nature to be overturned in Hollywood just because it’s allegedly the land where dreams are made true.

“The addendum used to read—and I quote—‘Young actors should expect to be molested.’ I mean, I’m old now, so I was there when the footnote sign was still posted, prior to the ‘60s.

“I’m old, but I’m also a rich Jewish movie producer with a miniscule penis, so naturally I’ve done my share of fondling young wannabe actors. How else are you supposed to weed out the thousands of beauties who don’t want the part badly enough? How else are the young actors supposed to stand out from the crowd of people who think they can get by just on their looks without their having to lick an old wrinkled ball sack or two? Do you want to rob the starlets of their only opportunity for fame and fortune for doing next to nothing at all—just for reading some lines and getting fondled now and again by an old fat Jew with a tiny penis?

“We’re doing the young actors the bigger favour, believe me! All she does is look at my nearly nonexistent schwantz once in a while. Meanwhile, I pick her out of the crowd and swiftly make her rich and famous. We movie producers are mostly Jewish, so trust us: we know how ethics works. Again, you don’t get something for nothing.”

In 2018, after it was revealed, thanks to Harvey Weinstein, that every famous actor had been raped or sexually abused by at least one studio executive, and that every Hollywood executive had groped at least one young actor, the addendum was returned to the Hollywood Sign.

But that hasn’t deterred young people from pouring into Hollywood, hoping to become professional actors.

“There are more young women in Hollywood now than ever before,” said Mr. Fishman, “even after the little footnote was returned to the bottom of the Hollywood Sign. Even now that there are no more excuses for not knowing how the system works, when young actors can no longer expect miracles, when they know they’ll have to earn their fame and fortune by putting up with gross old men’s advances, they still come to Hollywood. I guess the price must be worth the reward.”

The fact that sexual abuse is a crime has also not deterred a new wave of old rich white men from replacing the previous crop of Hollywood executives, who were prosecuted for various sex crimes in 2018.

Speaking from prison, Mr. Fishman compared the studio executive to a dictator, mob boss, or terrorist leader. “You don’t last long in any of those jobs,” he said, “because doing your job right means you have to break the law or at least create enemies. You have to rob or kill people or fondle young starlets. That’s how those jobs work, so of course eventually the empire is toppled and the bigwig gets taken down.

“But there’s always a line of candidates waiting in the wings to take over, even knowing that if they take on the leadership role, they’ll be assassinated by a drone strike or be ostracized and imprisoned for sexually abusing young actors. Hollywood didn’t shut down after the Weinstein scandal, because the previous cadre of old hairy Jews was immediately replaced by the next one. I mean, where else but in Hollywood do perverts have their pick from a plethora of sexy young women even though the perverts are old, fat, hairy Jews?

“Like dictators or mob bosses, the new studio executives will eventually get caught, but I guess the price is worth the rewards.”

[Note: This article was written by a Jew who thus reserves the exclusive right to mock Jews, which right is guaranteed by his circumcision and by his having duly suffered through the reading of Hebrew nonsense during the High Holidays. By extension, Jews are the only ones with the right to commit genocide against Jews. So implies the law of political correctness.]