Dateline: CHARLEVOIX, QUEBEC—President Trump’s imposing of
tariffs against America’s allies, Canada, Mexico, and the EU, has put these
allies in the awkward position of having to remind Mr. Trump that the
international system of economic regulations was put in place by America to
establish that country as the global hegemon.
Mr. Trump declared at the 2018 G7 meeting in Quebec that this
economic system is unfair because it allows America’s allies to have a trade
deficit with the United States, which has sent many American manufacturing jobs
overseas.
In response, according to aides who witnessed a conversation
between some of the G7 leaders, Prime Minister Trudeau, President Macron, and
Prime Minister Shinzo Abe explained to Mr. Trump that the US has lost many of
these jobs because of the strength of the American dollar, which in turn is due
to the fact that the dollar is the global reserve currency. The dollar is used
all over the world, which increases that currency’s value, and this makes it
more expensive to operate a business in the United States.
However, they went on to explain that the global role of the
US dollar has been instrumental to US economic imperialism since the
creation of the neoliberal world order, the IMF, the WTO, and the World Bank.
Since the early 1970s, when President Nixon cancelled the convertibility of US
dollars into gold, most oil could be purchased only in American dollars and so
other countries have had to trade in dollars to be able to buy oil.
The global use of the dollar has enabled the US to create
inflation, manipulate the exchange rates, and dominate the international
monetary system. Although American workers have largely been losers under the
rise of this system of global finance, American bankers, the American oil and
gas sector, and American buyers of foreign resources can largely credit this system with
their having “acquired wealth beyond the dreams of avarice,” as President Macron put it. He added that “this was all by design.”
“You and your base of white cultists rail against what they call ‘globalists,’”
said Mr. Macron to Mr.Trump, “but who is it that established the
economic system of globalization? America. And which country has operated as
the world’s only superpower for decades under this system? America.”
Mr. Trudeau added, “The lower middle-class whites who voted
for you, Mr. Trump, think they’re entitled to benefit from globalization just
because they have the same gender and skin collar as America’s billionaires. So
they want to tear down the new world order, because of this order’s costs to
American manufacturing. They don’t understand that social class means nothing
to the new super-rich, that global finance is built on massive frauds perpetrated by psychopaths
like you who care only about themselves.”
“Indeed,” chimed in Mr. Abe, “only those who are
individually weak prefer to think of themselves as members of a group so they
can feel strong. This is the basis of their slave morality. American economic imperialism
is designed to separate the wheat from the chaff, the richest ten percent from
everyone else. White identity politics is for losers. The few winners created
by this system don’t care about gender, skin colour, or sexual orientation.
They care only about money.
“That’s why you, Mr. Trump, prefer to work with fellow
billionaires or celebrities, and it’s why you dismiss the concerns of minorities.
It’s not so much because you’re racist, but because you see the minorities as losers on
account of their relative poverty. Psychopaths love to dominate, and in the new
world order created by the United States, they do that best with money power.”
Mr. Trudeau demonstrated the power of the American dollar by
placing an American five dollar bill on top of a Canadian one and chanting the magic
words, “USA! USA! USA!” This naturally caused the Canadian bill to disappear.
“You see?” Mr. Trudeau said to Mr. Trump. “That’s the power
of the American dollar, which is the source of America’s global hegemony. The
trade deficit you speak of is nothing compared to the inequality that’s intrinsic
to the global financial system: the US supplies the world with American
dollars, while the other countries supply Americans with cheap things to buy
with those dollars. The dirty manufacturing jobs go to poorer countries with
weak currencies, while ten percent of Americans get to live like aristocrats.
That’s the sociopathic tradeoff Americans have effectively voted for over the
last half century.”
According to the eye witnesses, Mr. Trump only smiled and
reminded the other leaders that he already knew all of that.
“You think I don’t know I’m a psychopath? Or that I don’t
understand how fellow psychopaths operate?” said Mr. Trump. “I’m out to embarrass
or to destroy the American-led global economic order because doing that benefits
me personally, because it’s what Vladimir Putin wants and I’m in debt up to my
ears to Russian oligarchs. If I don’t do what Russia demands, I’m toast. The
Russian mob will kill me and my whole family. So my new allies will be the
likes of Russia, China, and North Korea, not the more ‘civilized’ countries
that have bowed to the United States, like Canada, France, and Japan.”
The world leaders proceeded to shake hands and smile
creepily for the cameras.
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